I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
