Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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