so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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