How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
