I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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