there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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