Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
