so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
