I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
