I murdered the dance floor call the cops
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
