Kiss
Puke
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
