then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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