K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am available for nakedness
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
