yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
