Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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