Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
