I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
