We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
