Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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