Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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