My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
