There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i already hear my dad disowning me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
