it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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