I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
