omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
