The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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