chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
