I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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