Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
