So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think we might need a safe word for this...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
