The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
