Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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