I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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