I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
