What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
