I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
