i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
