My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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