When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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