i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
