I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
