You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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