I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
