then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
