I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
