Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
