I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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