I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
