just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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