My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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